1. Ask for Your Consent
This is so important. During a session, you should have just as much control as your photographer. Before I start physically posing someone, I ask "is it ok if I touch you?" Boudoir is intimate and many of my clients feel vulnerable in lingerie. The last thing I want to do is trigger them by touching their lingerie or skin without consent. I don't know what's happened to people in their past. It's none of my business, and being in a vulnerable state and then unexpectedly touched could bring up past trauma. Also, some people just don't like to be touched! Before I fix a twisted bra strap or I bend someone's elbow, it's vital to know that they are ok with it. Your boudoir photographer should respect your body and be comfortable with boundaries you set. If you say "no" to being touched, they should be able to direct and pose you regardless.
2. Cheer You On
Your boudoir photographer needs to be your hype person and your personal cheerleader. They should be supportive and cheer you on. Boudoir is a big step on your self-love journey, and your photographer should help you celebrate that. If they're not rooting for you, they shouldn't be photographing you.
3. Make You Feel Comfortable
This might seem like a give in, but it's important, so I'm saying it. Your boudoir photographer needs to make sure you feel comfortable. It's normal to feel nervous and awkward at first, but your photographer should walk you through all the poses, which will put you at ease. Your photographer also should give you space to change, shouldn't make crude or shaming comments about your body, and encourage you to wear items that YOU like and feel comfortable in. Make sure you spend time talking or emailing with your photographer beforehand so you get a sense if you can be comfortable around this person. If you aren't, that awkwardness will show in your photos.
4. Explain How Everything Works Beforehand
Odds are, you've never done a boudoir session before. It's vital, then, that your photographer walks you through the whole process. You should know how the session works, what it all entails, and what the prices are. Your boudoir photographer shouldn't be keeping any info secret from you. If you choose not to read or listen to what your photographer gives you, that's on you. If they straight up don't give you the info, though, that's on them.
5. Allow You to Bring a Friend
I've heard stories of photographers telling clients and models they have to come alone. Friends ruin their "process." This is a HUGE red flag to me. Your friend can't be part of the shoot, and they should only be offering moral support (not posing or wardrobe advice), but I think for something as vulnerable as a boudoir shoot, photographers should accept that sometimes friends will come along. If you're going to feel more comfortable with a friend, your photographer should be open to that. If they aren't, find a new photographer.